Penelope: Indestructible Cross-Canada Traveller

Hello sweetheart,

Did you think that Uncle Mike forgot about you? I would never do that, dear munchkin. But I definitely need to learn the work/life balance thing.

I saw that you had some excitement at your dayhome a while ago. Auntie Shawna and I are so glad that you are all right after your little spill. I have to tell you, sweet Penelope, that you come from a family of hard-headed people. When I was about the age you are now, I fell backward and hit my head on the edge of a dresser. Grandma Annie and Grandpa Paul rushed me to the hospital, and after a couple of stitches and a checkup, I was fine, just like you.

We are indestructible, you and me, just like those Avengers guys that I'm sure that your daddy will tell you about when you are old enough. Oh wait, there's a girl too. Black Widow. But we need a better, happier Avenger name for you. How about Miss Brainy? Sounds cool huh?

And our first mission as Avengers, should we as Miss Brainy and Mighty Lip (my Avenger name...for the people who say I talk too much) decide to accept it, is to concentrate real hard and send all our positive thoughts to Auntie Shawna (should her Avenger name be Tiny Mighty? What do you think?) Because though Auntie is indestructible usually too, right now she is healing and needs all we can give her. Are you ready? OK....1, 2, 3....GO! Mission accomplished, good job Penelope...I mean Miss Brainy!

And I have to thank you from the bottom of my heart, sweet girl, for being patient with my attempts to bottle-feed you on the trip we took last summer to go wish Great-Grandma Simonne  a happy 95th birthday.  You sucked mostly air that first time, but made me believe you were drinking your milk. Once I got it figured out, it was quite a moment, so thank you.

I love you.

Uncle Mike

Dear Google

As I have stated previously below, I do not own a cell phone.

And I have no plans to get one any time soon.

So please stop bugging me about adding a mobile number when I sign in to your otherwise wonderful Blogger service.

Read my lips: I DON'T HAVE ONE!!!

And don't try to guilt me by saying that the only thing standing between me and catastrophe is having one!

Otherwise you're great.

Thanks for listening.

Sincerely,

Mike Hebert

My Kingdom For A (Pay) Phone

Not that I'm in a ranting mood this morning or anything, but here's something else that REALLY bugs me whenever I'm out: the almost complete and utter lack of payphones now in malls and other public places.

I know, I know...time to complete my transition to the digital revolution already. And you'd think I would, but those that know me well know why I haven't yet. I'll even give you a hint: a baptized cordless phone's journey from countertop to toilet, all the while  cheerily beeping its We Will Rock You ringtone.

I know I'll eventually probably have to get one. I'm not suggesting we hold hands and go back to the early 80's (though I really do miss Flavor King Corner at Bonnie Doon Mall...remember those great burgers?) All I am asking for is one or two pay phones in prominent, accessible places. Is that too much to ask?

Your Partner in Life

Pin Pad Perils

It often occurs to me, as I go to places like restaurants, drugstores, and for the occasional cuppa joe (little bit of Humphrey Bogart there), that the pin pads that I and other disabled people use to pay for our purchases often aren't very accessible to us at all. They are tethered to their immediate locations and tilted at such an angle that it is almost impossible to read the screen. We have to yell "I can't see what I'm doing! I can't see what I'm doing! Which button do I hit" And then, when we finally figure it out...the pin pad times out!

Come on, Alberta! There must be some enterprising entrepreneur in this innovative province with a solution! Here's some I have come up with:

1) A swivel mount for the base.
2) A glare-resistant screen viewable from any angle.
3) A totally wireless handheld system.

What do you think?

Your Partner in Life

Thank You, Premier Lougheed

Thank you sir, for having a vision for Alberta.

Thank you sir, for believing in that vision, and for laying out a concrete, straight-talk plan to achieve it that you always reminded us of, and kept us updated on.

As I understand it sir, from research and what I can remember, the plan involved saving for a rainy day with the Heritage Fund. And of course sir, you also gave disabled Albertans the AISH program, which even in the beginning had a provision to allow those who could work the opportunity to do so. I think of you every day, Mr. Premier, as I go out to my job in the community four days a week, and I am grateful.

I also realize, Mr. Premier, that you were the one who modernized Alberta. Agriculture and rural living are a vital part of any resource-rich province and should never be discounted. But you marketed our resources in such a way that the rest of Canada noticed. And when they noticed, you were not content to let them stick us in a highchair with a bib, while patting us on the head for good measure. You believed that Alberta was just as important as Ottawa, and when Prime Minister Trudeau tried to severely curtail our resources with his   National Energy Program, you fought like hell for our interests, but always in a gentlemanly manner. And he wound up respecting and admiring you for it. So did (and do) many other federal and provincial politicians, as we saw at your well-deserved state funeral.

That is the mark of  a true statesman, sir, and a man in full.

I thank and salute you, Premier Lougheed.


Your Partner In Life

Just Ridiculous!

http://www.brobible.com/sports/article/tyson-gay-becomess-tyson-homosexual

I would hope that this foolishness is a result of a text-editing program that automatically sanitizes and inserts words that are less objectionable to the folks at One News Now and their readers. Otherwise, these folks are just plain loopy, and shouldn't be practicing serious journalism. Mr. Gay should sue them for identity theft!

Your Partner in Life

We All Need to Read This

Being an avid movie fan in my spare time, I was sickened to read of the early morning mass shooting at a midnight screening of The Dark Knight Rises  in Colorado that left 12 dead and 38 injured, some of them critically. My heart sincerely goes out to the friends and families of all the victims, as this tragedy is utterly, utterly senseless. I'm not going to name the sick and deranged person who carried out the shooting, because I figure his family is going through enough hell right now, and I'm not going to add to that.

But I would like to single out one of the 12 if I could. Jessica Ghawi, an aspiring sportscaster who wrote and tweeted about hockey in Colorado under the name Jessica Redfield. In an eerie coincidence, Jessica narrowly avoided a similar tragedy during a visit to Toronto's Eaton Centre in June. Courtesy of The Daily Brew, here is her last post on her personal website (color choice mine):

"I can't get this odd feeling out of my chest. This empty, almost sickening feeling won't go away. I noticed this feeling when I was in the Eaton Center in Toronto just seconds before someone opened fire in the food court. An odd feeling which led me to go outside and unknowingly out of harm's way. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around how a weird feeling saved me from being in the middle of a deadly shooting.
What started off as a trip to the mall to get sushi and shop, ended up as a day that has forever changed my life. I was on a mission to eat sushi that day, and when I'm on a mission, nothing will deter me. When I arrived at the Eaton Center mall, I walked down to the food court and spotted a sushi restaurant. Instead of walking in, sitting down and enjoying sushi, I changed my mind, which is very unlike me, and decided that a greasy burger and poutine would do the trick. I rushed through my dinner. I found out after seeing a map of the scene, that minutes later a man was standing in the same spot I just ate at and opened fire in the food court full of people. Had I had sushi, I would've been in the same place where one of the victims was found.
My receipt shows my purchase was made at 6:20 pm. After that purchase I said I felt funny. It wasn't the kind of funny you feel after spending money you know you shouldn't have spent. It was almost a panicky feeling that left my chest feeling like something was missing. A feeling that was overwhelming enough to lead me to head outside in the rain to get fresh air instead of continuing back into the food court to go shopping at SportChek. The gunshots rung out at 6:23. Had I not gone outside, I would've been in the midst of gunfire.
I was shown how fragile life was on Saturday. I saw the terror on bystanders' faces. I saw the victims of a senseless crime. I saw lives change. I was reminded that we don't know when or where our time on Earth will end. When or where we will breathe our last breath. For one man, it was in the middle of a busy food court on a Saturday evening.
I say all the time that every moment we have to live our life is a blessing. So often I have found myself taking it for granted. Every hug from a family member. Every laugh we share with friends. Even the times of solitude are all blessings. Every second of every day is a gift. After Saturday evening, I know I truly understand how blessed I am for each second I am given.
I feel like I am overreacting about what I experienced. But I can't help but be thankful for whatever caused me to make the choices that I made that day. My mind keeps replaying what I saw over in my head. I hope the victims make a full recovery. I wish I could shake this odd feeling from my chest. The feeling that's reminding me how blessed I am. The same feeling that made me leave the Eaton Center. The feeling that may have potentially saved my life."

You weren't overreacting, Jessica. Your soul and spirit knew what needed to be said, and exactly when it needed to be said, even if it was just a nagging feeling on a conscious level. But by writing this Jessica, you have enriched many lives today, including mine. So though I am sickened by the way you and the other eleven people had to die, with these words you left us, a tiny sliver of good has come out of this senseless tragedy.

I salute you, Jessica Ghawi.

May you and the other eleven rest in peace.

Let's appreciate life today.

Your Partner in Life